


Breathe

by Ze_Fandoms



Category: No Fandom
Genre: Ambiguous/Open Ending, Angst, Anxiety, Child Loss, Depression, F/M, Fluff and Angst, Moving On, Past Character Death, ambiguous death
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-28
Updated: 2019-04-28
Packaged: 2020-02-08 16:45:44
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,538
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18627217
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ze_Fandoms/pseuds/Ze_Fandoms
Summary: Just something I had to do for a class and I ended up liking it a lot. Enjoy and tell me what you think!





	Breathe

At 4 AM, he woke up. His wife was still sleeping soundly next to him, on the other side of the bed.  
He tried to move, but his body wouldn’t follow. He felt like a heavy mass of skin and fat stuck to the bed-sheets.  
   
He could feel the beautiful being next to him begin to shift slightly and hug him in her sleep.  
Finally, he sighed loudly, feeling warmth bloom in the coldness of his brain. It felt as if she had planted a daffodil in the middle of a deserted field.  
He could barely breathe as his lungs, his skin, his legs, his whole body screamed under the weight of his lack of feeling.  
   
His reasoning, killing itself with a scream of agony, was silenced by the soft voice of his wife telling him that she was there, that she would always be here.  
If only it was that easy.  
   
He tried to move again, but the exhaustion made his flesh drip to the sides of the bed as the bit of passion that was there slid into an ocean of nothingness.  
Imaginary tears left his eyes, but he was still suffocating.  
   
Merely reluctantly, he managed to move to his side where his hand slipped off the bed, hanging lifelessly, heavy as the sound of an airplane.  
His body was empty yet filled to the brim with unwanted emotions.  
   
He couldn’t tell how long he remained like that, just staring at the wall and the picture of them together, their overly smiling wedding day picture.  
If only his face could contort like that again…  
   
Suddenly, a freezing hand fell on his shoulder. Her delicate fingers slid on his skin gently, drawing curvy shapes on his back.  
How did he deserve to marry such an angel?  
He felt the bed shift slightly against the lightness of her body before he saw her heading to the kitchen.  
   
After a few minutes, he could hear the familiar noise of food being prepared in the next room. The smell of greasy bacon made him nauseous enough to get up while the bed bend abruptly from the heaviness of his body.  
Staggering, he managed to reach the bathroom to face the full body mirror   
they had placed there the year prior.  
   
Heavy Bags sagged under his blank bloodshot eyes, while his skin seemed to him as pale and uneven as puke. He looked so old already, he thought, contemplating his greasy sticky hair which had already started whitening from the pressure of work. Here and there, scattered bald spots on his scalp were betraying his stressful habit of pulling them.  
   
Nothing but a human ruin… he thought, shaking his head, as he contemplated his teeth, slowly rotting in his mouth, causing him to gag in the mirror from looking at himself.  
Yeah… A bag of garbage left ignored on the side of the road… That’s what he was…  
   
Yet he didn’t care enough to change anything.  
And who gives a fuck after all…  
   
Then, as slowly as he could, his eyes then lowered to his body…  
He wanted to throw up even more.  
   
His hairy chest was devoured by zits and he had rolls everywhere on his body, reminding him of mountains of trash. He didn’t understand how he was even remotely alive at this point.  
   
Waving away the mirror with his hand, he turned away and made his way to join her into the kitchen as quickly as he could, trying to forget the image of his decaying body.  
His angel was looking as tired and exhausted as him, crevices carving her lovely face. She had lost so much weight since the bump of her stomach had disappeared. Yet, a glimpse of determination remained on her face.  
Not brave enough to breach the silence that had buried them from the day of the incident, she, without a word, put two plates of bacon and scrambled eggs -his favourite- on the table.  
   
Food…  
Another challenge.  
   
He sat down cautiously, eyeing his plate up and down before daring to dive in.  
For his angel…  
   
The first bite of salty grease made him gag instantly and grab the trash can next to him to spit it out.  
   
A feeling of despair embraced him as he noticed her smile quiver. Yet she still didn’t open her mouth.  
His brows turned into a frown as he tried again, and again to eat something.  
He couldn’t eat. His stomach wouldn’t let him, bursting out like a volcano in eruption: throwing up lava up to his esophagus every time something dared to go near it.  
   
Looking at her, ashamed, he sighed, giving up.  
He always gave up…  
What did she do to deserve such human trash?  
   
Noticing that she wasn’t touching her plate either, he raised his eyes curiously to her face.  
She was wearing the same dull expression on her face that he has.  
But instead of sighing in return, she just smiled slightly and stood up, her bones cracking as she raised her fragile body.  
She was so strong compared to him.  
   
He too got up to follow her, wondering where she was going. Shakily, she raised her frail hand towards his and took it in her own.  
   
She pulled, lightly, as if fearing that he would dismantle is she was too harsh.  
His breathing quivered when he understood where she was dragging him as the door of the room appeared in front of him.  
No angel… Not there...  
But he could feel her determination as she pushed it open. She wouldn’t crumble.  
   
Moving in, the light blue room didn’t seem as threatening as it did before. It didn’t look like it would swallow him in sickness and nausea anymore.  
In the left corner, next to a small cupboard, the white wooden cradle was still half assembled, lying in the middle of scattered instructions on the floor.  
On the right, the tiny blue shelves were invaded by dust as the nearby wardrobe was still open…  
Desperately empty.  
On the walls, the teddy bear wallpaper that they had chosen together was progressively falling apart in shreds while the colourful toys had remained stuck exactly where they left them a few months ago.  
Yet, some things did change.  
   
Empty and full boxes had been pushed to the side of the room and a dark blue notebook was placed at the center where it hadn’t been before.  
   
She advanced towards the book and crouched beside it to pick it up.  
She opened it cautiously as if the sound of turning pages would frighten him, making him run away like he always did.  
   
Inside of it was a drawing of the familiar room.  
However, the cradle was nowhere to be seen, nor the shelves and the wardrobe, the toys….  
   
In their place was a just a simple couch, few seats, a TV set, and a see-through table to put your legs on with a rug underneath. She couldn’t help but smile gloomily as she rummaged through the notebook, to find all the drawings she had made for him a while ago and photos of their past.    
When happiness wasn’t just a word.  
   
She smiled at him, wider than before, the pain behind her eyes turning to a glimmer of light… Barely there but still noticeable. He couldn’t have felt guiltier.  
   
She stood up again, as if suddenly her decision was made, and advanced towards one of the walls. Softly, she started picking at the extremity of the falling wallpaper. She seemed to briefly hesitate before taking a deep breath and pulling harder as he stood next to her, still paralyzed.  
She pointed at the next wall and continued where she had left off, this time, much more bluntly.  
   
She yanked a piece off, then two, then three. She had started yelling each time as if she was stripping off parts of her own skin, tears streaming down her face as her throat shook from the force of her scream.  
   
It seemed like years had passed before he found himself in front of the next wall to pull at the wallpaper with her, feeling a rush of adrenaline every time a piece would come off.  
He was yelling too now, screaming at the painful stab he felt with each ripped piece.  
By the time they were done, they were on the floor sobbing.  
But their brains, however, weren’t as clouded as before.  
   
After a long moment where only their heavy breathing was tearing the silence of the room, he finally managed to get up and marched towards her as she shakily stood up before taking her in his embrace, crying harder as pain poured out of them. The throbbing was less noticeable, and his breathing felt a little easier than it did before.  
   
He inhaled her perfume as if he was smelling it for the first time and held her closer as they fell to the floor again and cried until they couldn’t anymore.  
For the first time, warmth took over his entire body. He was still drowning but the light of the sun coming from the window seemed like rays refracting on the water. It made him feel as if he was slowly reaching closer.  
   
Closer to the surface.


End file.
